4/29

It was a year ago today that I lost my dear sweet dog, Lucille. She was riddled with cancer and I had to make the awful decision to put her down. I said my goodbyes to her and then held her in my arms weeping as she drifted off to permanent sleep. It was one of the saddest and most painful days of my life. A year later my heart still aches when I think of her lovely face and all the joy she brought me.

Lucille was originally my wife, Caroline's, dog and when Caroline was diagnosed with cancer and died suddenly six weeks later (at the heartbreakingly young age of 42) she became my dog. In the days, weeks, months and eventually years that followed, Lucille was my saving grace. She gave me a reason to move forward, made me laugh every day and was the best companion I could have ever asked for. I don't know how I would have survived without Lucille. When I felt like I was drowning in sorrow and grief, she kept me afloat. We spent almost every minute of every day together and I found that my ability to love her had no bounds. It grew with each day.

I think only people who own dogs can truly understand what they bring to our lives. Their good cheer and endless enthusiasm for our daily rituals coupled with unyielding and constant love is something that is hard to match and is impossible to replace. I miss her every day.

Like all the other experiences in my life, I've been forced to incorporate this into my life. You don't get over it, you just learn to live with the loss. It becomes part of who we become. It helps to define us.

When I think of Lucille now, my only wish is that she has been reunited with Caroline and they are both healthy, walking in the woods on a cool summer day.